I Still Miss Him...

As my niece, Tiffany and my nephew, Frandon celebrate milestone birthdays I am reminded of another important date, the death of my father. Finniel Davidson died on his favorite grandson's birthday. January 8th, 1988, I was fifteen years old and had no clue what death is, an infinite closed door that can never be opened. I miss him more now than I did as a child. He was very strict and had very high expectations of me which I had no desire to live up to. I could have never stayed on his pedestal so God let me off the hook. He took him so he wouldn't have to witness my growing pains and terrible decisions. He was saved from watching me party my youth away, without ever considering a day like today. As I enter the third quarter of my life, I realize that if I only live as long as my father, I have 17 years left, that is like 17 days. Reading the posts on FB lately hell it might be less than 17 years. (I'm getting side tracked)

  My father was many things. He was raised in the deep south in the 1930's times were extremely hard. He never talked about his pass, but I know enough about history to know that a mixed raced family in the rural south had a hard way to go. He escaped the south and drove to California with his sister in the 1960's. He found love in 1970 and married my mom two months later. Within 17 years he was dead. He had very little education but managed to take care of his family, own his own business, drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney. Family was everything to him. If me and my mom were happy, then the world was perfect. I feel sad for women who have never had the adoration of their father. It builds an esteem in you that no man can ever destroy. My dad instilled this arrogance and attitude in me. He told me daily how smart and beautiful I am. I know at times it has been to a fault but I am a better woman for it. The lessons my father taught me angered me as a child. Grabbing switches from a tree to get a whipping would be labeled abuse today but then it was a deterrent from getting in trouble. He taught me my first timetable 6X6=36, he taught me to plant food, he showed me the type of man I wanted and the type I did not want, he taught me how to make pancakes, and he showed me how to make it happen. He had so many sayings, of course I didn't understand then but I do now. I know that his death saved me, I know he has been my guardian angel for all these years. I have been places I had no business, I have seen things I should not have seen and I am still standing. I just wish he could be here to see the woman I am. Sometimes the day passes without me really thinking of it but this year is different. I miss him so much today. I wish he could see my baby, she doesn't have the grandfather experience, I didn't have it either. There are so many questions I didn't ask him, so many things I would tell him......the main thing I want to say is, THANK YOU, DADDY  LOVE YOU! ALL DAYS ALL WAYS

Are You Happy? You Should Be...

Happiness lives or dies our minds. If we think we are happy, then we are happy. If we think we are having a great time, we have a great time. Many times we try too hard to be sad. Focusing on the negative aspects of an issue only makes us feel worse, all we have to do is be still and recognize all the blessings we take for granted. Watching a television program about a young man in his early twenties with total paralysis from a high school football injury reminds me of the blessings I have. Like, having the opportunity I watch my child run and play. Hearing stories of women in prison for defending themselves against a violent spouse, reminds me of how blessed I am to have a spouse who honors and respects me. While we sit complaining about this or that remember this is just one moment in time and does not reflect your entire life. Decide to be happy. Whatever you are unhappy with, you have the ability to transform the situation. I thank God for sad days. Sad days afford me time to be still and think about what is important. Health, sanity and the ability to make my life whatever I desire it to be. I hope hold the key to my future. Waiting on someone else to make me happy is insane. Happiness is in my daughter's eyes. When she smiles at me and says, "I love you, Mommie!" I know she means it. I do not have time to be unhappy. I have a life to live. Don't you?

WILL THE REAL MEN STAND UP?

 Almost everywhere I go I see them. Pro-Clubs, I hate them. They scream, overweight and unemployed. Men are quick to criticize women with muffin tops but what about the kegs under those white tees. I remember when a man was considered a big dude if he wore a 2X. Now I think they may go as high as 6X and I don't know any women rockin' a 6X. As if the white tee wasn't bad enough, then they have to sag on top of it, I think I am getting sick... I miss the old days...the 1990's when men stayed suited and booted! The days when dress to impress meant, gator boots and suits; not fake True Religion jeans and a white t-shirt. And since I'm on the subject of fake; what the hell is going with all these men wearing costume jewelry? Who sanctioned this foolishness? I see guys walking around with huge CZ earrings and Michael Kors watches with crystals. WTF? I realize the money that was lying on the ground and lacing everyone's pockets and purses is not available. Back then I owed designer handbags and shoes too. Just because you can't afford a Rolex, you do not have to wear a Folex. Someone needs to draw a line in the sand and let the real men stand on one side and the fake ones stand on the other. Women are confused. Dudes walking around the club looking icy and can't even afford to take a lady on date! Stop the madness! Adult men should not wear women jeans, purses, costume jewelry or get their eye brows arched; unless they live an alternative lifestyle.

   I see so much confusion I have decided I’m getting old. When I was in my twenties, men took women on dates. A man would wine and dine you to get you in the mood, tell some lies about how he wanted to marry you and then drop the bomb on you. Now I hear of women not only taking men on dates, women are buying them motorcycles. If man is accepting financial assistance from you and he is not your man, he is hustling you, RUN!!! I was taught men are the protectors and providers. Women are the caregivers and nurturers. The practice of women chasing men is like the earth rotating the opposite direction. We are animals first. I cannot name a species where the female chases the male. Lionesses go out to hunt and bring lions food, but the male lion will protect his pride from any other animal in the jungle. The dog chases the cat not the other way around! We all need to get our shit together
Disclaimer: Real men disregard this post! If you know some fraudulent men please suggest they stand up. We need our men! Too many good women are single and need to help build strong families.Our boys are weak without men, women cannot do it alone!

Proceed with Caution!

The New Hangover!

Another HANGOVER? No, not me. I've been drinking since the 8th grade. Back then I did not have a clue what a hangover was. But now, the recovery time is a little too extensive. I look back over these last 20 years and I think of all the fun I had drinking with my girls and I'm over it! This past weekend I realized that fun with friends is cool but the whole "Homegirl-itis" is officially over. I'm cured! We have enjoyed four-star hotels and resorts foreign and domestic and all I can tell you about them is what the lobbies and bars look like,oh and maybe the pool. I never take time and enjoy my $300 a night vacation because I have a hangover.When I finally get myself together, I get dressed and go out and do it all again.(Sound Familiar?) It has taken me two decades time to arrive at this destination but I would prefer to write, play poker, cook, coach my daughter's soccer team or sleep. My interests have changed and to get where I want to be, a hangover is just something else blocking me from my destiny. I'M COOL~ Proceed with caution!

Do We Spend Enough Quality Time with Our Children?

As sit on the couch and play Fortune Jewels on Facebook, Brooklynn is the her room watching Teen Nick.Yes, we are in the house together but I am doing my thing and she is doing hers. Sometimes I think about asking her to come and play with me and then I change my mind because she will say I am disturbing her show. Then many times when she wants to tell all of her stories, I'm not interested. I know it may sound harsh but it's true. Being caught up in social climbing, financial difficulties, marital and other family issues can often leave your child the odd man out. The pressure of raising children alone leaves the custodial parent fatigued physically and mentally. We want to engage more but by the time you have provided all of your child's needs, you many times don't have the energy to play a game or listen to the playground gossip of the day. As parents how are we going to give our children all the time they need without loosing ourselves in the process?

Remember Senior Year? Life Changes Quick!

With so many of my close friends and family members' children graduating this year, it took me back to my Senior year. I thought I was GROWN. You could not tell me NOTHING! Last week my fiance's daughter went to the prom. She looked beautiful. All dolled up. But there was one difference, no dates. Stag is in style. The BFF's went together looking like a million bucks. Her father proudly placed the corsage on her wrist and he was as proud as a Peacock. I remembered when I went to the prom. I wished my Dad was there to see me off. My date was arguably the finest guy there and all I wanted to do was go be a man 9 years my senior. :( Anyway, all this has me thinking of all the fun and excitement I had back then. Seems like yesterday, but actually it was almost twenty years ago. Looking for material for the dress, shoes, jewelry, and you know the Feather was Bangin'! Times have changed, people are spending thousands of dollars on Proms and renting hotel rooms for there children. I guess it's because this is the closest most girls will come to a wedding? Sad, but true. Do the parents who spend this ridiculous sum of cash on a prom spend equal cash on tutors, trips abroad or college prep-courses? Probably not because we live in a world of appearances. As long as we look good, then it's all good. I hope it all works out. All the money my mother spent on the festivities, I didn't get my CapNGown until two days before graduation. And some of these kids going to prom are not graduating or going to college. Where do you go when you don't seek an education in 2009. HELL, the military won't even take you. I went on a US tour after graduation. I roamed the USA in search of LOVE, FUN, AND CASH! Had lots of Fun, found and lost LOVES and wasted ALL the CASH! My Senior year was exciting. I had all these hopes and dreams of what I thought my life would be. Boy was I naive. Life is rough. You only get what you put into it. Hard work and perseverance pay off. The best advice I can give to a young person is enjoy this last hooray because real life comes fast and furious and it does not give refunds or exchanges. Once you buy it you keep it!