The End is Near...

Another decade has passed. At this time 10 years ago, I was pregnant and in escrow for a home I did not purchase. At the time, I told myself I would get another one when I returned to work after I had the baby. Well the baby is now a pre-tween and I still do not own a home. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about time. Time is the one thing we all waste but we cannot not get back. It does not have a price but it is very costly when wasted. This morning I shared with a girlfriend, without the birth of my daughter what have I done with the last 10 years? When you say 10 years it sounds like a long time ago, but I promise I can see myself sitting on the patio at Fridays six months pregnant watching Laker games. Well now that I think about it, I did get married.....something I always wanted to do.Plus a whole plethora of other things. Okay, maybe I am being too hard on myself.

In ten years, I will be 5 days from 50! If the next ten years go bye like the last ten, I had better start planning my 50th birthday party now! LOL Entering into the third quarter of my life has me feeling excited about the future. I have started my own business and although I have had ups and downs I know this is the direction that is best for me.With hard work and determination I will achieve me goals.

So much has changed over the last decade. I have lost loved ones and I have developed new friendships and relationships. I have gone from a "party girl" to a middle-aged woman. I stop traveling across the country now I taxi my daughter and friends around town. My best friend doesn't call me anymore but she does remember me when I go see her. I miss her calls and nagging but most of all I miss her love and support. I could have never imagined my mom could change so drastically in such a short period of time. I am grateful for my mother and all she has given me. She has been everything I needed as a parent and if I give that to Brooklynn then I have done my job.God has given me many blessing in my 39 years, 360 days I cannot begin to name them all but, wisdom, courage, health, love, friends, family, foes, adversity, challenges, triumphs and failures have all molded me into the woman I am today. I may not be all that I am going to be but I more than I was and not quite what I will be soon!

If you are reading this there is a great chance that I have touched your life in some way and I am sure you have touched mine. Sometimes my husband tells me I care too much, I cannot help it I am a 9 that's what we do in Life cycle nine care for people.(I know some people are confused)  Thank you for laughing with me, talking with me, arguing with me, fighting with me, partying with me, drinking with me, praying with me, traveling with me and living with me. These last 39 years have been a blast and I cannot wait to see what is on the other side of 29. I have to let you go 29 and become a FABULOUS 40 YEAR OLD!

AS ALWAYS...PROCEED WITH CAUTION
PROJECT72 ALMOST COMPLETE

What the Hell is Wrong with People?

 
  Every morning I awake to the morning news and most of the time it is shocking. Headlines read: Students shoots classmates, unknown causalities. Mother kills children. Husband kills wife and children. Soldier kills innocent children and civilians and burns them. 5 killed in car crash. I could go on but what is the point? Stress and despair invade people's mind and has them believing that all of this is real and matters. Bills and material things are not what matter in life. What you drive, where you live, where you work and who you are paired up with have no real bearing on your life. Your relationship with God is all that matters! All the things we have are just fillers to keep the mind occupied but these things are not important. We have let society tell us, we need to have 2.5 kids, a home, a career, an education and a 401k plan. Women are under pressure to be 10 million things that have very little to do with womanhood. Be thin, be rich, be a housewife, be a mother, be submissive, be assertive, be independent, be nice, be quiet, NO JUST BE! Young people are literally killing themselves because they do not have what they think they should have. Men are under pressure too. Men are supposed to provide, protect, and produce. Society wants them to be tough, but sensitive, assertive but nice, generous but not a push over. Men are expected to settle down and have a family all the while other women are throwing themselves at them at all times. They have to be strong and not show emotion. But when they show no emotion they are accused of being cold. Life has me so confused I could scream.

  The time has come to get back to where we started from. I grew up with two God fearing parents who taught me morals, values, and overall self-esteem. I have noticed many people lack these qualities. If you have morals there are certain things you will not do. If core values are instilled, you will think before you portray unethical behavior that may ruin your life. When a person has self-esteem they value themselves as well as others. I challenge all who read this post to make a conscious effort to do better. As a society we have to do better, we are becoming the "they" we talk about. The rude, self-centered, crazy, ignorant, selfish, lying, stealing, killing people we read about it in Tweets and Facebook posts. The fools we see on the news at night are us. The only way things can change is if we change. We are the people arguing over dumb shit and making enemies for nothing. We all need to check ourselves and come together because "we are all we got!"
PROCEED WITH CAUTION!

We All Have to Die, but Why?

John Atterberry has broken my silence. My close friends and family know how passionate I am about the people I care for.The tragic and senseless murder of a man I have known well over twenty years, has me angry,confused and hurt. John Atterberry from all accounts was a handsome, intelligent, driven, successful man with a great deal of life to live; when a hopeless and weak young man decided he could not go on with his life destroyed John's life. John proved to himself and his peers that he could survive and strive to be the best. Although he had many personal hurdles he did not allow them to change who he was. He was always jovial. I cannot remember him in a bad mood or without a smile on his face. At times he would get on my nerves playing so much when we were kids. But as a man I was more than impressed with the man he developed into. This is not my eulogy of John, I am getting to a point, sorry. I have mentioned my anger regarding my friends death. I am hurt...not because I do not realize none of us are here permanently, but because I wanted to watch him shine! When people die, they leave us here. They go off to a new adventure and leave us here to pick up the pieces they leave behind. When he rushed out, his bed may not have been made, or his dishes were in the sink someone put them away. He may have working on a project that needs his approval or maybe he started a script. Now all those things cannot be completed by him. Tragedy strikes without rhyme or reason, we can only react after he strikes. Prayer and forgiveness are always on the list of things to do, but we all prayed but none of us received the answer we wanted. God knows best, but it's days like this when my faith is truly tested. This feels like a mistake, what possible good could come from such a senseless and devastating act of cowardice?

Unlike John, the shooter did not have hundreds if not thousands of people who loved and respected him. He had not lived long enough to know that the girl was the first in a long list of people who don't want you when your young but catch the "vapors" when you get your shit together like John did. See the sad thing is when you are young you do a bunch of dumb shit you wish you could take back, but this dummy took my friend's life. Every time I loose someone a piece of me goes with them, a laugh I will never share again or a hug from an old friend. John you are not the first but you are the latest on my list of loved ones I wish could have stayed a little while longer. R.I.P JOHN ATTERBERRY 6/11/71-12/11/11

The New Hangover!

Another HANGOVER? No, not me. I've been drinking since the 8th grade. Back then I did not have a clue what a hangover was. But now, the recovery time is a little too extensive. I look back over these last 20 years and I think of all the fun I had drinking with my girls and I'm over it! This past weekend I realized that fun with friends is cool but the whole "Homegirl-itis" is officially over. I'm cured! We have enjoyed four-star hotels and resorts foreign and domestic and all I can tell you about them is what the lobbies and bars look like,oh and maybe the pool. I never take time and enjoy my $300 a night vacation because I have a hangover.When I finally get myself together, I get dressed and go out and do it all again.(Sound Familiar?) It has taken me two decades time to arrive at this destination but I would prefer to write, play poker, cook, coach my daughter's soccer team or sleep. My interests have changed and to get where I want to be, a hangover is just something else blocking me from my destiny. I'M COOL~ Proceed with caution!

Newly Single?

Single sounds bad. Table for One. One ticket please. But when you are single you can do whatever you want to do. Just think, you don't have to be responsible for anyone but yourself. You can lock up your house and feel free to roam. And lately I've been seeing a lot things to get in to. Yes indeed! The best thing about being single is it's all about YOU! Get a massage, have a drink, buy a meal and take some to go. Go to a Jazz bar and enjoy the sights and the sounds. Meet some new people. Go somewhere you would never go. Like a strip club lots of nice men and women go there to have fun and let their hair down. The world is yours. Hell take one of those young cats down and show 'em how the seventies babies get down. No really, single is fun and free. Take it from me I spent the majority of my adult life single and I loved IT! Do YOU BOO! I love you! It's your time to shine. Now go get ya swagga back!